Bucket List (Circa Year 2000)

I think most of us these days have some sort of "bucket list." I'm not sure when the idea gained popularity, but in recent years, I hear more and more people promising to take a hot air balloon ride or go on a safari in Africa. Or maybe, I am just getting to that age...the time in a person's life when they start really thinking about death, and all the things they want to do before it's too late. I made my own bucket list for the first time in my early 20s. I remember rummaging through my craft box and finding different colored, square sheets of paper. They seemed perfect for listing each item that I wanted to accomplish in my lifetime. The following were written with my favorite markers, and taped to the back of my bedroom door so I could be reminded of them each morning...

1. Win an Oscar
2. Learn to play the guitar
3. Backpack throughout Europe
4. Drive cross country
5. Get something published
6. Finish a crossword puzzle all by myself
7. Learn to play the piano very well (I had already taught myself the basics)
8. Go skydiving
9. Go white water rafting
10. Go bungee jumping
11. Speak to my father

I am proud to say I have accomplished 6.5 out of the 11 items on my list. In recent years I have taught myself a couple chords on the guitar, but I don't think playing "A Horse with No Name" over and over again constitutes full completion of a task. Despite my lack of musical expertise, the percentage is good, given I've been working on them less for than a decade. However, one obvious number 11 even now glares at me from the computer screen as if it is asking, "Hey, when ya going to get to me? I'm pretty dang important!"

See, most people believe that having a list is productive, that it defines clear goals for oneself. What could be wrong with that? Ultimately though, holding yourself to such high expectations will indefinitely cause at least one moment of disappointment. Most the listed tasks require money and time. So at one point in my life, I took out extra student loans, loaded a bag full of my belongings, and boarded a flight across the Atlantic. I spent almost a month trekking, sweating, getting lost, finding directions, and getting lost again through 4 European countries. At another period in time, I bought a one way ticket to meet my best friend Amy in San Fransisco, just to marvel at America's diverse multitude of landscapes on the way home to New York. But the one thing that requires absolutely no income, or longer than 10 minutes of my time, is still sitting there... undone.

It has been more than 20 years since I have seen my real father and about 10 since I've even spoken to him. This is a long story, one that may possibly be shared with you at a later date. The point I am trying to make by bringing this all up is that today, I am doubting the worthiness of bucket lists. Recently I was just asked to do a 10 minute long stand up bit, as an opening act for a local comedian. My immediate thought was, hell no! I'm not funny when I try to be! The only time I make someone laugh is when I say something so randomly, so off topic, that it kinda stuns them and they have nothing to do but smile and let out a chuckle.

After giving it some more time to simmer, I recalled that "Become a stand-up comic" was never added to my initial bucket list. It wasn't something I ever desired to become, or wanted to attempt for the plain sake of trying. But for some reason, that's exactly why I want to do it now. It doesn't require any funding, nor should it take much time to prepare for. I never planned for it to happen, so even if I choose not to go through with it, I won't be disappointed. "Comedian" can't ever linger on a colored piece of construction paper as a representation of what I didn't do this year. It won't haunt me as a promise to myself yet to be fulfilled. It is a new experience - a surprise. Not an obligation. For that reason, I owe it to myself to jump right in.

Stay tuned for the details of my first live audience, joke-telling, unbucketlisted experience. It shall be a new one for sure...