What a difference a day makes

I'm not gonna lie to you... I was f**king miserable yesterday. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, ready to punch the first person that said something ignorant. Do you ever have days like that? Days when you just hate people for being people? I'd like to consider myself someone who has faith in our human race, and I can tell you for sure I've never been labeled a cynic. But for whatever reason, yesterday I hated everything, humanity included.

Thankfully, I worked some of my rage out at the gym. It always feels great to beat your body into oblivion when you feel like you are going postal. I did squat thrusts, lunges, and hamstring curls until my anger subsided into aching pain. After a semi-productive day of errands, my day got ten times worse when I had to get ready for my stupid day job.

For your entertainment, I promise to post a blog I wrote recently about this stupid day job. But for those of you that have no idea where I work, note that I wait tables at Empire Brewing Company in downtown Syracuse, New York. To be completely honest, I love the people I work with. I don't even mind the work I do. Taking orders and putting them into a computer is fairly simple as jobs go. And since I've been working there off and on for almost 10 years, I can basically do the job with my eyes closed. I get to choose the days I want to work, and I actually believe in the product I sell, unlike those Gold's Gym packages I used to pawn off to random people in my early 20s.

But the part that I hate is having encounters with annoying, needy, snobby, particular, mean, idiotic people on a regular basis. In the server world, you can not escape humanity. You are forced to interact. It is your job to converse with these people. You can't say no, or tell them how you really feel about their indecisive personalities that prevent them from choosing lobster bisque or gumbo. Because that would mean no tip, and possibly, no job.

Hopefully now you see why on a day like the one I had yesterday, the last thing I wanted to do in the world is stand at a table with a fake smile on my face reciting a pan-seared swordfish special. What I really wanted to do was curl up in a ball in my bed, pollute my brain with reality television, and feel sorry for myself for being a 28 year old, college educated WAITRESS.

The worst part, is that I absolutely had to go to work, for no reason other then the fact that I need to pay my bills. The 40 dollars I walked out the door with was pathetically necessary. Sometimes I think that there is no sum of money that seems enough to get me through a shift. Even on a good paying night, I still have a sinking sense of disappointment when I drive home. My wallet is full of new bills, but I hate myself for it. All I did to earn the cash was impress a room full of drunks with my insane knowledge of craft brews and local food. I didn't create anything significant. For me, I was just playing another part. I doubt my role changed any one's life, including my own.

To heal my anguished waitress soul, I drank red wine and watched television shows on the Internet until I fell asleep, finally ending my crappy, "woe is me" themed day.

But then, this morning, I woke up to a brand new, different me. I remembered that I promised in this blog that I would start a screenplay. And yes folks, that's exactly what I did. Today, I wrote and I wrote and I wrote, and even at 11 o'clock this night, I am still writing! I am more than half way done with my first script, EVER. Albeit a short film and not a feature (baby steps people), it is actually words on a page, with a format, and characters, and dialogue! And I can't wait to finish it and watch it come to life!

In addition to the hours I spent holed up in a chair towards the back of Panera Bread Company, I fielded a myriad of important phone calls, including one from an talent agency based out of Rochester. After speaking to the manager, I have scheduled an appointment with the company next week! Wish me luck! Who knows, maybe someday soon I will be able to throw out my ratty apron and call myself an actor/writer... Until then, I'm going to keep coming here and writing all about it. Forgive me ahead of time for my moments of despair and self pity. If there is anything I can promise you for sure, it is that I will have them. Waiting tables is NOT glamorous. And humanity is definitely flawed. Both these facts will ultimately make a normally content Mandy morph into a maniacal jumble of erratic thoughts and behaviors...